My first post was related to health of the body and how i want to become healthier physically for my family and for myself. Now i want to talk about the importance for me to become healthy spiritually and mentally. To help better understand me and why these things are important to me i need to give you a history of myself. I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints (LDS) I was raised in a small town in Utah. My family life at home was not what you would typically think to find in an LDS home. My dad molested me when i was in third grade, and more in sixth grade. I told my mother and she did call the police but to make along story short nothing really happened and everyone went on pretending nothing happened. So remember how i said that i had issues and believed i was ugly and fat and all that garbage? yeah well know you know a little why. My mom started abusing px pills then so i was left to deal with all that happened to me on my own, i didnt know how to of course so i just ignored it and clung to my best friends family. I grew up having not dealt with anything and developed really unhealthy ways of coping and an unhealthy thought process to deal with problems in my life. So what does all this have to do with getting healthy you ask? Well im married now and i have three children if i want to be happy and successful at home and in this world i need to correct the unhealthy ways of thinking and dealing with things and learn how to problem solve correctly and in a way that leads to me being happy and bettering my family's lives.
Now one of the things that i always told myself was that i was ugly physically and that nobody would want to be with me, so when i met my husband i didnt believe him when he told me i was beautiful, i mean it was nice to hear but i still didnt believe him i wanted to i really did but in my mind i didnt see what he saw. All i saw were flaws and imperfections.
Two years ago we came to a point in our lives where i needed to change how i felt and thought about myself and fast. How did i do that? well let me tell you, it may sound strange but this is how it happened and i dont care what anyone out there thinks either. This is my personal experience and it means a lot to me so i want to share it. I started by saying a prayer, i knelt down and i asked God to help me feel how he feels about me, i told him how hurt i felt about all that had happened to me. I poured out my heart to him, after i was through with my prayer i just sat there and soaked it all in. I was pretty worked up at this point and i wanted to just feel the peace of finally after all these years taking my pain to the lord and saying "hey im hurting and i cant do it alone anymore please help me" Soon i started to feel all warm and it felt as if someone was giving me a hug, It was so powerful it may seem such a small gesture but it meant the world to me and was just what i needed. It was like the lord was giving me a hug and telling me it was going to be ok and i felt just an overwhelming sense of peace come over my broken heart. From that point forward when i looked at myself in the mirror i knew how the lord saw me i knew he loved me more than i could ever comprehend. I stopped telling myself negative things, i started to believe all those things that my Husband had been telling me all those years and i began to see myself through the eyes of others but most importantly through my savior.
So in addition to becoming physically healthy i want to become spiritually healthy and that means that i need to do all the things that i have been taught from a young age at church reading my scriptures daily saying my prayers and attending church every week among many other things :) I know that im not perfect and the lord doesnt expect me to be, he just wants me to do my best and keep going, endure to the end in happiness not misery. I know that doing these things make me happy and are ways to bring love into my life i know because i have done it. But again im not perfect i fall short and life gets in the way. But i keep trying i move forward and i will get there eventually. I love my father in heaven and im so grateful to be a part of his great gospel. Im grateful to have such an amazing family and a husband who loves me more than life itself. He is my rock and i owe him my life. So i will be on a crazy and fun journey if you are following me i hope to be able to inspire someone out there and maybe just maybe make someones day a little brighter :)
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